I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
