So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
