You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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