I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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