Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
