you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
