Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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