Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
