she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
