the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
