i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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