two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How external is "for external use only"?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
