the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
