How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
