Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
