is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
