Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
