I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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