just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
50% drunk capacity currently
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
