I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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