What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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