So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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