well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
