she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
not ubering you a puppy
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
