True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
