Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
