im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
