it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize