Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
