i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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