I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
