after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
