When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
