I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
