She is in my trunk
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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