My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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