I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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