I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
