How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
