have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize