yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
