ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize