he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
are you so shy because you have an std?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
