i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
