Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
