Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Shame - the story of my life.
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