you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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