Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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