Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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