I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
