Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
