remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
