I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize