I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
