I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
