God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
