the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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