I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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