Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
