this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
