ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
