Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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