Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
