He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
