wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
