Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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