the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
