Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
