I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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