I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
