Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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