We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
