Me too!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
