There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
