I think I died a long time ago.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize