i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
