Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
