I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
