The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
