Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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