im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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