apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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